my road 2
II.) My Road – Looking Back
A road is a wonderful metaphor for life. We all walk our own path of time from birth to death. Much of where we go in our lives is along roads, some are already paved for us, and some we have to pave for ourselves. We often come to crossroads – we have to make choices and try to pick the right direction – to make the right steps forward. Things outside of our control happen on roads that change our lives from that point on – we get in accidents, we make fast friends, we lose friends, and sometimes we even find a lucky dollar on our way. Our whole life happens on the road: ‘the road of life’. I try to keep this thought present in my mind as I walk along and create my own road.
Since you don’t know me personally yet you don’t know my back-story. You don’t know about my upbringing, my childhood, sports I’ve played, jobs I’ve had, or about my family, my education, places I’ve lived or traveled through, hardships I’ve experiences or my lucky days. You don’t know anything about me, but that’s ok because from this point on this journal is not going to be about where I’ve been – it will be about where I’m going.
But, as I’m sure some wise person once said, “you can’t know where you are going unless you know (understand and have thought about) where you have been.” I definitely know where I have been and think about it often. My life so far has certainly shaped my ideas of where I want to be going.
Like almost any other human on earth my family has played a central role in my life. My parents divorced when I was seven and for a good chunk of my youth this was a very difficult thing to deal with on many different levels. But, out of these difficulties came lots of positive things. Both of my parents eventually remarried and my one younger sister and I had the opportunity to grow up with four unique and wonderful parents. And four sets of wonderful grandparents. We had a lot of love, support, and encouragement. Both of my parents were teachers so perhaps support and encouragement was built into my early ‘road’. All of my parents preached the idea that anything is possible and that my sister, Claire, and I could be whatever we wanted, if we wanted it bad enough, and worked hard enough to get it.
All four of my grandfathers owned their own businesses – a carpenter, an electrician, a farmer, and a fuel supplier. My mom’s dad use to tell me all the time, “You create your own luck.” And my dad’s dad has told me that he always knew there were smarter guys out there than him but, “he could out-work anyone.” And he did – and still does.
I was born and raised of German and Irish heritage in the Midwest and that means something – on my road. I could go deeply into my history and the importance that my family has played in my life thus far, but instead I’ll share a couple personal notes from my mom.
I don’t remember the Christmas of 1992 really at all. Maybe I would if I saw a home video or some photos of it, but I do know of two gifts I got that year. One is a book of Robert Frost’s Select Poems from which I read the poem I posted below for the first time. I know that because my mom wrote on the inside cover, “Dear Clark, may you find time each day to breath deep and look at nature around you!” Love, Mom Christmas 1992. The other gift was another book called 3-Dimensional Illustrations, which I found in a small bookstore the summer before and really wanted, but didn’t get because it was really expensive. Inside that book jacket my mom wrote, “To Clark, Never Stop Dreaming! Love Mom and Jim Christmas 1992.”
No one in my life ever told me I wasn’t capable of accomplishing anything I could dream – and if there is one thing I’m good at – it’s dreaming big.
However, dreaming big comes with its own pitfalls. If you fast-forward through my life from 1992 up to now it means a few things – my road thus far has been really, really zig-zaggy with some wonderful and interesting successes, and many, many personally crushing failures – all of which I feel I have learned something from and that I am ultimately grateful for.
After a series of personal failures and for a number of other personal reasons a few years ago I made a dramatic and abrupt commitment to myself that photography would become my career. My portfolio site http://www.clarkpatrick.com is where I stand today. I am happy with what I’ve accomplished so far in the relatively short amount of time that I have had. However, I am very far away from the career I ‘dream’ for myself. But, I do believe I am on the right track and feel more secure now than I ever have in spite of – or despite of, the current doom of our modern world.
If I may, here is one more letter from my mom – I guess she thinks I’m finally on the right track as well.
